Julianna here! 👩🏽💻
It's been a while! First, I want to say thank you for your patience in me getting back into writing. I used to be an avid writer than feared what others thought and writing took a back seat. But I am digging up the courage to start sharing my thoughts, feelings and life with all of you sweet friends of ours again.
If you missed my first blog post, you'll find it here for my back story. I wasn't expecting to head this direction but it's where I feel like I need to expand on. I want to share a very personal experience that I hope helps you. We all have our own journeys but it's comforting to know that we are all in this together, right?
I remember the morning my mom passed away on May 10th, 2006, my dad piled all my siblings and I up in the suburban and we left the empty house to go on a long drive down McDowell Road. It was early in the morning, the sun was rising.. I remember looking out the suburban window and saw cars of people driving past us. They were smiling, singing, driving wherever they were headed and kids were getting on the bus to go to school. I remember having what one would call an out of body experience. I looked up in the sky, the clouds were moving and I thought, how does this world keep going..? Does anyone realize what has happened? My mom is no longer alive and you all just keep living? I was so taken back that everyone kept living their lives and mine had just felt like it stopped. It was a feeling I will never forget. I felt sad, frustrated, angry, confused, lost, and all other sad emotions you can think of. But then, something kind of amazing happened. It was on our way back home from the drive, I was thinking and wondering.. well, what do I do now with my life? The thought was placed into my mind very strongly, "It's up to you. It's always been up to you. What kind of life do you want to live, Julianna?" It was then that it clicked for me. That was a lot for a self absorbed 15 almost 16 year old mind to comprehend! And it changed my life forever.
Since then, I've recalled back on that experience that saved me. I had a choice and made it, sometimes my choices waivered between good and not so good. But I always remembered that moment for me, what kind of life was I going to make? We all have a choice. Like I tell my kids, "You can choose to be happy or you can choose to have a bad attitude, it's your choice!" And while it's not that easy and sometimes we need to have the bad attitude to realize that's not what we really want (right?!) That's when we have to dig deep to find the joy in our lives. Because you see, something beautiful happens when we dig deep and see our strength, what we are capable of. I hope you know that in the trying and loneliest of times, you are not alone. We all have the opportunity to learn + grow. It will be hard and it will be difficult but with humility + grace, we can grow. It's like that quote I love, "Through the hardest days, we grow the most."
I have to often remind myself that it's not a race, it's a journey. And you know, it may take years (like it did for me) to see the rainbow after the storm but I promise you it does come. And we're all in this beautiful storm together.
"So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever." Elder Jeffery R. Holland